Welcome to the new month, the month of February, the month of love, valentine in anticipation… True love is not only on one particular day, True love is not all about this “gooeey-gooeey” feelings, head in cloud 9, butterfly in stomach and staring into your beloved’s eyes 24/7. Heavens knows I still have that “gooeey” feelings for my darling and honestly, his tall, slim frame never cease making my heart pant for him. I don’t get bored being in his company. 11 years of knowing this cutie doesn’t look like it, it’s like…oh, it’s like we just started!
But love is also tough! There is something called tough love! That is what I want to talk about. The love that will last a life time will go through seasons and one of the seasons which most singles don’t want to talk about, many married people avoid and most divorcees wished they had the wisdom to manage is the season of tough love!
This is the season your partner stamps their feet and say, “NO honey, I’m not going to take this!” It’s the season you go through your adjustment period; adapting to your spouse, changing deep rooted bad habits, working on your weaknesses, making sacrifices, facing the ugly reality of your spouse’ weaknesses and accidentally bumping into someone who seems to “appreciate” you while your spouse is busy “criticizing”, “judging” and “condemning” you.
It is the season you are really getting married. It is when both of you are now realistically becoming one because you are painfully shifting ground, building bridges, knowing your spouse more and blending into them. This stage usually happens between the first and fifth year of marriage.
Tough love will rebuke you! The Bible says “Open rebuke is better than hidden love”. A spouse who genuinely loves you and does not want you in the pit will hurt you! The Bible says “Faithful are the wounds of a friend but the kisses of an enemy is deceitful” (Proverbs 27:6). It is not every time your spouse will praise and admire you. There are times they have to correct you, “hurt” you, “wound” you, and tell you the things you don’t want to hear so you can become a better person.
It is a blessing to have a honest spouse. It is grace to have a spouse who tells you, “honey, you are getting fat, I don’t like it”. It is mercy from heaven to have a spouse who says, “Sweet, you sleep too much, it’s getting on my nerves and I can’t take it anymore.” A loving spouse applies brake on your weaknesses before you self destruct!
It takes humility to accept correction. If you are not humble, your marriage will crash! If you hate correction, you will never succeed! If you are self opinionated, myopic and heady, you will end up divorced! A great marriage is between two people who are willing and ready to learn and grow together!
Learn to communicate honestly with your spouse. Be transparently honest with each other. Learn to speak your mind. Learn to share your expectations, tell your spouse what you want in marriage. If their mouth smells all the time, tell them. If her body odour is affecting you, let her know. If their rudeness, selfishness, laziness or stubbornness is driving you crazy, voice it out. If you do not communicate, they won’t know they are hurting you and you will grow very bitter towards them. You may even end up having an affair with someone who seems to meet your needs while your spouse keeps wallowing in ignorance!
Singles, do not marry someone you can’t be free with. Someone you can’t share your heart with. Marriage is 90% communication. If your communication is poor in courtship, your marriage will fail! If all you do is kiss, romance and have sex instead of talking and building a great future together, you have failed before you even started! Your marriage will not work!
Get real with each other. Talk! Courtship is not for romancing, it is for talking, sharing expectations and planning towards a great marriage! It is for asking questions, knowing who you want to marry, getting to know their strengths and weaknesses and see if you can really live with them in marriage! Talk! Be down to earth honest! Share expectations! Let them know what you want out of marriage. Don’t leave them in the dark only to get married and expect them to meet all your unspoken needs, they are not mind readers please, if you don’t talk they won’t know what you want and how to meet your needs.
Couples should avoid being rude, critical and abusive. You are not talking to a kid, you are talking to an adult and you should talk to them with respect. Put each other’s feelings into perspective and treat them the way you want to be treated when you make mistake.
A marriage is blissful and peaceful when couples are sincere, open, transparent and honest with each other. Start sharing expectations and start meeting each other’s needs, your marriage will experience a deeper level of love, trust, joy and peace you never thought possible. Enjoy bliss forever more.
Happy valentine in advance
God bless you, cheers!