Writing this message from the depth of my heart, trusting the Holy Spirit to chisel us and polish us into the full stature of Christ.
I can never forget the day the Holy Spirit asked me that question. It was after my graduation from the University. I was single. I mean not even in any relationship at the time.
I daily bombarded the heavens with my cry for marital settlement.
One day, I heard in my spirit *Esther can you marry you?*
I have never heard nor read anything like that before.
*Can you marry you?*

I just laughed at my thoughts.
After reflecting for a short while I got the understanding.
In simpler form, it means *If you are a man, Can you marry a typical woman like yourself? Are you marriageable?
Wow! That took me a lot of time to reflect on.
I got the message the Holy Spirit was trying to communicate to me.
With great joy, I listed out all the wonderful things about my personality and character.
At the end I smiled, feeling very beautiful.
*Look beyond your good sides* I was prompted.
My mood changed immediately.
Most of us hate to give our dark side some attention.
I noted my bad attitudes…
I do yell at my siblings when I am angry, which I don’t do to annoying-outsid ers,
I can be full of my ways sometimes,
I am stubborn. I will do what I choose to do when I feel like it.
This is the part of me I never took to heart until that day.
“Imagine you get married to someone who yell at you when he’s angry, he doesn’t listen to your advice and very stubborn husband; how would your marriage turn out”
“It won’t work” I admitted.
That was how I started learning not to yell at people who infuriates me. I just take a walk away or pray for self-control under my breath. Sometimes I cried instead of shouting at someone who yell at me especially elderly people.
While preparing for my Youth service, my mentor Pastor Muyiwa Olufemi had a conversation with me. After celebrating all my good qualities, he said; “…You are a strong willed person. This trait is a strength and could be a weakness. I advise you to work on it. This trait is not totally bad if only you don’t allow the negative side of it take you over…” It hurt me deeply.
But I wasn’t surprised.
Being a strong-willed person helped me overcome peer-pressure while growing up. It helped me to stand through thorns without compromising my values. It helped me fit into the position my father”s demise left for me to assume.
Being the first born, my mom treats me like her little sister and partner. She groomed me to lead, tutor and be a disciplinarian for my siblings. Being a strong-willed person was a strength to me. I could exert my authority.
I am a very determined and focused woman. Distractions don’t appeal to me.
The bad sad of this strength is what I call *unbending* *unyielding*
I kept praying that the Lord should break me and mould me.
Looking back now, I can remember all the stubborn set of people God threw my way to *bend* me.
I dislike them. I refused to bend to the stubbornness in them. I acted like I am up to the task till someone bows eventually.
When they prove stubborn with me, I shut down without giving in.
I didn’t understand the workings of the Holy Spirit in me on time until later.
During my youth Service, the Lord made me go through some unpalatable circumstances. I was cheated, humiliated, yet the Holy Spirit told me to either *endure by keeping quiet or make peace even when I am not at fault*
That was hard!
Thank God for that season of moulding.
Fast forward to few Months into my courtship, I and my husband had a misunderstanding on the phone. I was angry and yelled at him on the phone telling him not to call my phone.
He called me the next day, I ignored.
The second day, I refused to pick.
The third day, I was expecting his calls but he stopped calling.
I got troubled in my heart. Chai!
I have overstepped my boundary.
I have over-reacted.
The right thing would have been for me to call him but I couldn’t.
I was ashamed of myself. How could I overreact like that! I thought I am MADE!
I kept checking my phone at short intervals hoping he would call.
I got tired. Yet I didn’t want to be the one calling him to make peace.
I thought this stubbornness is done with. I reasoned and turned sober.
In the evening he called me and we settled.
I was so happy yet I felt very bad and angry with myself. What exactly is that *thing* in me that makes me unyielding?
My husband was more of disappointed in me than annoyed.
“Unbending and unyielding is a sign of UNBROKENNESS” He said
It was the first and the last during our courtship.
We have help of the Holy Spirit to turn our weaknesses to strength.
I am grateful for the workings of the Spirit in my life. If not, things would have fallen apart.
Why am I sharing this with you friends, I am grieved in my heart.
In just a few days, I have observed the character of some SINGLES in our
Singles Time Out group on whatsapp and I am afraid for their marriage.
I saw all kinds of display of character.
Many Intolerant singles! Harsh, rude and unaccommodating!
Singles who are waiting to be married! Hmmmm
Can you marry you? Are you marriageable? Would you marry someone who behaves like you?
Sometimes when we pray to God for a marital partner, He would in the heaven say; I can’t give you a mate now. You don’t need a partner yet. You need chisel.
You are so rude, hot tempered, disrespectful, impatient, grumpy, peevish, and unforgiving.
You Lack simple courtesy and good manners.
I see singles who pass abusive comment on other people.
Your word doesn’t bring grace.
I should expect your heart should prick you to have some shame or self-respect and dignity while talking in the public especially on social networks
You lack respect. You are arrogant and saucy.
You need to look into this.
Oh you are singing *If he/she loves me, he/she will take me as I am*
Look Even Jesus who called us to come as we are doesn’t expect us to remain as we were.
All these traits are issues calling our attention to ourselves.
You need a well-cultured spouse? Are you one?
He/she must be homely and lovable? Are you one?
He/she must be of good conduct? Are you?
He/she must know how to dialogue and handle issues maturely? Do you?
You want a spiritually fervent mate, are you one?
This is a call to open up ourselves for the pruning of the Holy Spirit so that these crumbs doesn’t ruin our relationships.
God made us grow up in a family for this pruning.
If you don’t honour your parents, you are a bad egg going somewhere to burst; your parent-in-law would not be spared. Your siblings are there to groom you into having cordial relationship with your spouse’s siblings.
I have said enough.
I hope this meet you well.
You have the Holy Spirit to help you.
He is helping me!
Be honest with yourself!
Cooperate with the Holy Spirit to do His work in your life.
You are a blessing!
You are blessed!
You will make a good spouse!
You will enjoy your marriage in Jesus name!
As God is working on you, He will groom your spouse wherever they are.
You need the Holy Spirit and the WORD of God to WASH you off those issues.
I love you from the deep of my heart.
Esther Ebunoluwa Omoniyi