Continuation from last month Edition
9. Not being prepared for marriage
A surprising number of couples of all ages have blamed not being prepared for married life for the demise of their relationship.
Divorce rates are highest among couples in their 20s. Lack of preparation is one of the most common reasons for divorce.
10. Abuse Physical or emotional abuse is a sad reality for some couples.
It doesn’t always stem from the abuser being a “bad” person; deep emotional issues are usually to blame.
Regardless of the reason, no one should tolerate abuse and be removing yourself from the relationship safely is important.
Substance abuse or addiction of any kind – alcohol, drug, gambling, sexual predating, compulsive lying, or excessive smoking batters a marriage irreparably.
It takes a toll on your relationship with your spouse, impedes your career growth, disturbs the financial equilibrium, and leaves a negative impact on children.
12. A difference in parenting styles
a gap in parenting styles is one of the most common causes of divorce.
You are a strict disciplinarian who gives no leeway for any kind of misbehavior or cuts slack in discipline from children, while your spouse has a more relaxed and flexible approach to rules.
In this scenario, children would naturally gravitate towards the parent who is fine with breaking or bending rules.
This tug of war in parenting style and lopsided dynamics can lead to an estrangement between spouses.
13. When you don’t marry for love
If you have married your partner because they look like a million bucks or if your partner has married you for your wealth, then the foundation of marriage is not true love.
A marriage lacking foundational love is not strong enough to overcome relationship challenges and eventually succumbs to the end of love and need to be together.
14. Lack of sincerity
Sometimes insincerity, dishonesty, and lies creep in a relationship over a period of time.
You and your partner make-do with living together for the sake of children, the comfort of familiarity, social security, and finances.
Even if one of the partners is dishonest with the other, the marriage is bound to break.
15. Losing your identity
If you are a woman, sometimes loss of individuality hits you without you even realizing the gravity of it, sometimes becoming one of the causes of divorce.
Your status is relegated to being a loving and caring wife, a doting mother, a dutiful daughter-in-law, and more but have you subsequently lost every shred of YOU?
Years down the life, when you reflect, you realize you have lost your identity.
To aggravate the situation, your sacrifices go unacknowledged.
Losing your original self and lack of recognition for your contribution to your spouse’s life can be one of the most common reasons for divorce.
16. Irreconcilable differences
If conflicts happen very often and on trivial issues, it leads to prevalent unpleasantness in a couple’s life and the relationship crumbles.
A point of no return is one of the divorce reasons, even if it does not constitute one of the most common grounds for divorce.
17. Long-distance relationship
Being separated from your partner by miles, and struggling to remain close and yet failing, is one of the top reasons for divorce.
A lot of misunderstandings, suspicion, frustration, and lack of communication stems from a lack of physical proximity.
In a long-distance relationship, partners end up imagining the most dreadful reasons for their spouse not picking up the call, or responding to messages.
Lack of responsiveness and unavailability in a relationship may end up as the leading cause of divorce.
18. Control struggles in relationships
Toxicity arising out of a need to control between partners is why people get a divorce even if they had a strong love bond at the beginning of a relationship.
The compulsive need to intrude, isolating a spouse from others, coercing and controlling a partner by dictating terms to them leads to unpleasantness and a feeling of suffocation between couples.A thirst for control can deteriorate a relationship beyond repair.
19. Interference of parents in married life
If your in-laws interfere in every conversation, decision and lifestyle choice that you and your partner make, it can end up making to the list of valid reasons for divorce.
It is annoying to have somebody telling you, no matter how experienced and wise they are, on how to interact, what to do with your life and where and when to go.
20. Jealousy and insecurity
As opposed to a common belief, jealousy is not a sign of love.
On the contrary, jealousy and insecurity can lead to cracks in a relationship and eventually become one of the reasons for divorce.
Jealousy often stems from a lack of self-esteem, emotional instability, feelings of possessiveness, inadequacy, unhealthy codependency, and anxious attachment style.
Unwarranted jealousy in a relationship wreaks havoc on the relationship stability.
Amongst other reasons for divorce, the inability to deal with jealousy and insecurity is a potential threat to a marriage.
No marriage is easy.A final word on common reasons for divorce:
Even couples with the best intentions are sometimes unable to overcome their challenges and end up in courtrooms.
That’s why it’s important to address issues in your relationship early on, don’t let them become one of the reasons for divorce. Don’t wait until they are beyond fixing. Practice kindness, make intimacy a priority, go on holidays and seek marriage counseling (even when things are fine) to preserve the health and longevity of your relationship.
5 Proven Solutions to Divorce
BEST SOLUTIONS TO YOUR DIVORCE PROBLEMS
There are numerous causes and effects of divorce. According to DivorceStatistics.org, 40-50 percent of all first-time marriages will end in divorce. Although the reasons for divorce vary, some of the top reasons for divorce include poor communication, financial strain, intimacy issues, built-up resentment, deep-rooted feelings of incompatibility and not being able to forgive. Increased stress in a married and the inability of couples to work through their problems makes it very difficult for them to find ways to prevent divorce. Moreover, you need find what is the main reason for divorce before you seek out on how can divorce be prevented.
There’s a certain degree of pressure in a relationship when couples try to find a solution for some common problems. And sometimes, for one or both spouses, these problems can serve as the grounds for divorce. However, what seems to be the good reasons for divorce in a troubled marriage, tends to affect your spouse, children and your loved one’s in a myriad of negative ways.
There’s data to support the fact that divorce can lead to all sorts of psychological and behavioral problems in children; it can also cause them to have relational issues with their parents, siblings and others due to their fear of abandonment. Also, divorce can be detrimental to the health of separated spouses.
Apart from individuals, divorce also has a profound effects on our society. Studies indicate that people who are married tend to be far more productive at work than those who come from a broken relationship.
For these reasons and so many others, it’s best to not look at divorce as an answer to a hurting marriage; to instead seek out ways on how to prevent divorce. Here are five tips that can help you find solutions to divorce and in turn avoid divorce:
1. Go for counseling
Out of all of the ways in how to avoid divorce that will be shared in this article, this may be the most effective one. Unfortunately, there are a lot of couples who will wait until they feel totally hopeless within their relationship before even considering seeing a professional marriage counselor, but the reality is that it’s healthy for all couples to go at least a couple of times per year. That way, they can get tips and tools to either get viable remedies for the problems they are having or to make their marriage even stronger. Marriage counseling is proven to improve physical and emotional intimacy, increase communication and establish an overall better connection between spouses which enables you to find solutions to divorce.
2. Talk about your needs
If one or both of you have problems communicating with one another, that’s just one more reason why it’s such a good idea to see a marriage counselor. But if you do feel like both of you are able to talk and listen pretty well, don’t hesitate to share your needs. Sometimes couples end up resenting each other simply because they feel like their needs are being ignored or they are going unmet. Just because you and your spouse share the same house, that doesn’t mean that you can read one another’s minds. Whatever you’re expecting from the relationship, it’s important that you share it. Only through sharing can you ultimately find appropriate solution to divorce.
3. Spend more quality time together
There are a lot of couples who are not happy in their marriage simply because they don’t feel like they relate to one another anymore. This can happen when things like financial pressures, hectic schedules and their children’s needs take precedence over spending time with one another. Even though this might Going on dates, taking vacations, making sex a priority in your marriage are not “luxuries”. In order for a marriage to be healthy so that it can last, these are necessities. It’s absolutely imperative that you and your spouse spend quality time with one another and if need be seek out solutions to divorce.
4. Get some accountability
Although your spouse should be your main accountability partner, also look for some other married couples who can help to hold you accountable as well. Accountable to what? Accountable to the vows that you took on your wedding day. Everyone needs friends and mentors who can serve as a support system and this is especially the case when it comes to married people. Sometimes couples see divorce as their only solution because they don’t have others around them to remind them that there are other solutions to divorce; ones that usually prove to be far better.
5. Accept that your spouse is human—just like you
Yes, on the surface, you know that your husband or wife is human. But here’s the thing: When you think about all of the things that frustrate you, there’s a pretty good chance that it’s about them not being who you want and/or expect them to be. Humans are flawed and they make mistakes. But the more than you accept that as a reality, the more open you’ll be to not being upset with your spouse when they disappoint you; the more willing you will be to give them what you want in return when you fall short: patience, forgiveness, understanding, encouragement and love. Yes, the more willing you are to give what you want in your marriage, the more of a chance it has not only to find solutions to divorce but also avoid divorce.
Here are a few additional divorce solutions that you must look into:
1. Understand what are the biggest issues in your marriage
Understand what causes divorce in a marriage. Name that specific problem(s) that is causing your marriage to crumble down. What is it about your spouse that is driving you nuts? Is it a specific habit in them or are there issues that you acknowledge you need to work on? Whatever it is, be specific in stating the marital problem before you can find a solution to it. You would be amazed how solution for divorce outweighs the reasons to get divorced.
Like for example, if financial issues that are straining your marriage might be acting as the reasons to get a divorce, then take a step back and dwell on what you must do. Come up with a team approach to sort out your financial concerns. All couples must develop a game plan together on three primary things:
Creating a monthly budget and sticking to it
Creating a strategy to get out of debt.
A road map on how to save and invest for the future.
Make a list of all the such issues that lead to disagreements, including the ones you refrain from talking about, to avoid conflict may help you find solutions to prevent divorce.
2. Start over from scratch
Sometimes, this is the best way to move forward. Forget about the fights, the negativity, the constant problems. Start from all over again. Remember why you both fell in love and build your marriage all over again from there. Do you remember the last time you talked for hours with your spouse, the long drives or anything special you did together? Get silly about one another and infuse your relationship with love, once again.
3. Change the negative patterns
Do you always fight over the silliest things? Do either of you lose your temper at the drop of a hat? Do you nag each other even when you can make your point in a loving manner? Break these negative patterns and embrace healthier habits in your marriage. Be respectful towards each other, kiss in the mornings and greet your spouse in the evenings. Remember, it is these small habits that can actually make or break a marriage. Be mindful about these always.
4. Leave no stone unturned
Make every effort to improve your marriage. Understand that this will take time and effort from both partners. Prioritize your marriage and spouse and express gratitude to one another. Accept each other’s differences and make decisions together as a team. If you both struggle to achieve this, then do not hesitate to seek help. Read books together on how to build great marriages, attend seminars on how to effectively overcome problems. Do everything you can to make your marriage work.
5. Take the word ‘divorce’ off
Simply put, remove divorce as an option from your marriage. If you feel you can get out of that tough situation by divorcing your spouse, then clearly you need a mind makeover. Negative thinking in this manner points out to the fact that you are not 100% committed to resolving the conflict. Make a pact with your spouse and forbid divorce from ever creeping into your vocabulary. Many successful couple stick together out of sheer determination and love.
Know that you married your spouse for a reason. Remember those reasons and it will be easier to try again. Divorce will soon be out of the window, and your marriage.