I Want a Divorce Part 1

It all started at exactly 7:00am early in the morning, 21st December, I couldn’t contain my frustration again, but alas our wedding just clocked 5 months. I thought within myself“I want a divorce” we are not understanding each other, I don’t think I can continue this marriage again. Every day is quarrel upon quarrel, dispute upon dispute. Many thoughts runs through my mind that, was this the same man I once dated, who I gave all my all to. He has changed totally!
Let me start like this, many expectation different people brought to marriage determines what the outcome of the marriage will be. Indeed marriage is not a bed of roses as most it seems, it is a place of reality and responsibility, not for boys and girls but for the matured minds. Your eyes will indeed be open to the real person your spouse is.
Many times I have imagined that, Are there perfect marriages? It seems mostly we envy the public activities of many couples and some even few privates lives. We admire them to even think that do these couples quarrel at all, do they have any dispute, was there any misunderstanding at any point before, just thinking out loud.
But alas, I got some imaginable findings, there is no perfect marriage anywhere on this planet earth, our willingness to contain each other (husband and wife) and submit, allow God to have His way in our homes. Sure we will step in each other toes but divorce as simple as that words seems is never a solution to it all. In our own as Christians, it was written that God says: “He hate divorce”.
Foundation matters to every marriage, time will tell upon all marriage. Two wrongs don’t make a right, you must develop and cultivate a large heart, which is even ready to forgive in advance.
Most times we ladies our tongue is as sharper as a razor, which must be intentionally bridle to prevent unnecessary issues. Our husband too should have a large and tolerable heart to contain and forgive us in advance. Bro please put your ego too in the pocket and sis, put that your hand you are flinging up and down and let’s allow peace in our home. Every marriage or home can be sweet, lovely, heaven on earth if we can allowed our true selves to be revealed to each other. Marriage is sweet and to be enjoyed.
Changes are inevitable in marriage, you have to create capacity to be able to cope in it. If you are bringing some mentality from where you are coming from, mostly it may not just work like that, my daddy this, my mummy that, in our house that, all sort of that thought should be well scrutinized if it will be applicable in this your home. Although not all are bad but wisdom is applicable.
Let’s look at the 20 most common reasons for divorce and hope that you can learn from the mistakes of others.

20 top reasons for divorce

1. Infidelity

Infidelity is one of the most common reasons for divorce
Extra-marital affairs are responsible for the breakdown of most marriages that end in divorce.
This is one of the most common causes of divorce. The reasons why people cheat aren’t as cut and dry as our anger may lead us to believe.
Infidelity often begins as a seemingly innocent friendship. “It starts as an emotional affair which later becomes a physical affair”.
Infidelity is the number one reason for divorce.
It is also one of the legal reasons for divorce, besides living apart for more than a year and subjecting your partner to cruelty (mental or physical).

2. Money
Money makes people funny, or so the saying goes, and it’s true.
Why is divorce so common due to financial incompatibility?
According to several studies and divorce statistics, a “final straw” reason for divorce is a lack of financial compatibility and money mistakes in marriage.
Everything from different spending habits and financial goals to one spouse making considerably more money than the other, causing a power struggle can strain a marriage to the breaking point.
“Money really touches everything. It impacts people’s lives,”
Clearly, money and stress do seem to go hand in hand for many couples.
Financial troubles can be categorized as one of the biggest causes of divorce, following infidelity, the number one reason for divorce.

3. Lack of communication
Communication is crucial in marriage and not being able to communicate effectively quickly leads to resentment and frustration for both, impacting all aspects of a marriage.
On the other hand, good communication is the foundation of a strong marriage.
Yelling at your spouse, not talking enough throughout the day, making nasty comments to express yourself are all unhealthy methods of communication that need to be ditched in a marriage.
Poor communication is one of the biggest reasons for divorce.
Practicing mindful communication, to change age-old marriage mistakes, can be hard but it’s well worth the effort to improve and save your relationship.

4. Constant arguing
Couples who seem to keep having the same argument over again often do so because they feel they’re not being heard or appreciated.
Many find it hard to see the other person’s point of view, which leads to a lot of arguments without ever coming to a resolution, which can ultimately be a cause of divorce.

5. Weight gain
It may seem odd but weight gain is also one of the leading causes of divorce.
In some cases a significant amount of weight gain causes the other spouse to become less physically attracted while for others, weight gain takes a toll on their self-esteem, which trickles into issues with intimacy and can even become a cause of divorce.

6. Unrealistic expectations
These expectations can put a lot of strain on the other person, leaving you feeling let down and setting your spouse up for failure.
Wrong expectation setting can become one of the main reasons for divorce.

7. Lack of intimacy
Not feeling connected to your partner can quickly ruin a marriage because it leaves couples feeling as though they’re living with a stranger or more like roommates than spouses.
This can be from a lack of physical or emotional intimacy and isn’t always about sex.
Ignoring your partner’s sexual needs is being called the number one cause of divorce in recent times.
Making your relationship intimate and special is the responsibility of both partners.
Practice little acts of kindness, appreciation and enjoy physical intimacy as much as possible to sweeten your relationship.

8. Lack of equality
Lack of equality comes closely behind another cause of divorce, lack of intimacy, in recent times.
Resentment often snowballs to become one of the reasons for estrangement, in fact, it is a leading cause of divorce.
Every couple must negotiate through their own and unique set of challenges, and find their own way of living together as two equals who enjoy a respectful, harmonious and joyful relationship.

To be continue next month.
Thanks for reading.