Hardly does any lady tell me she feels pain while being deflowered by her boyfriend, she seems to enjoy it all through and couldn’t even remember if she went through any pain but some virgins jump out of bed in horror of being deflowered on the wedding night. Some had to grit their teeth during the process while some never enjoy sex several years after not to talk of achieving a single orgasm except through solo sex.
Someone asked me similar question: why do some girls find it difficult enjoying their husbands in marriage and even compare him with her boyfriend expecting him to “do it” like her ex?
The chief cause of this problem is not marrying your best friend. When you just marry anybody you don’t know from Adam in the name of God’s will, you are in for marital and sexual disaster! You can’t bond with someone you don’t know, it is not possible! All the couples I know who have great marriages and have fabulous sex lives married their best friends. Your best friend is someone you can share your heart with without any pretence. If you can completely open your heart to them, you will completely open your body as well and when you feel so secure and safe opening your body to a man who totally adores you, you will undoubtedly enjoy the sex.
The reason girls find it easy opening to the play boys hell bent on using and dumping them is because he has carefully done the ground work of sweet talking their emotions into trusting him and feeling relaxed around him. He makes her feel so good, celebrates her body and she finds it easy opening up for sex without even thinking about the pain.
Of course, sex outside marriage is disastrous. Sooner or later, he dumps her because he is not real. A play boy simply wants to use and dump her neat! Even if he marries her, that trust that she can hold her body around men is broken. He has learnt to get sex inappropriately without waiting for it and he is a potential candidate for adultery in marriage.
You must marry your best friend if you must enjoy sex in marriage. If you marry a stranger whom you have no spiritual and emotional connection for, you will not connect physically, sex will be boring and painful, you will only do it out of duty or chore not out of pleasure and enjoyment!
They are not your best friend because you gist and play. They are your best friend because you can completely open your heart, mind, soul and spirit to them without feeling ashamed. Physical oneness happens in marriage. The Bible says it clearly: “and they were both naked and not ashamed…” your best friend is someone you can be “naked” with physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc and not feel ashamed. When you feel free around each other, you can honestly tell each other anything, release your body with ease and practically enjoy sex in marriage, (note, in MARRIAGE)!
Ignorance and naivety plus old wife’s fable also contribute to the matter. When you get married on zero knowledge about sex except stories you heard from your grandma, it will be very painful the first time, you will clamp up and that thought alone will send pain down your spine before having sex at all.
Some men are too crude as swell. Sex is more than intercourse. Sex starts from being romantic. That is why playboys have their way with this naive girls because they appear romantic to perpetually ruin them. All men must learn how to be romantic and very good in bed few months before they get married. You just have to learn how to give your wife orgasm or else! You will wake up from your matrimonial bed feeing like a sexual failure.
Sex in marriage is sweet. Sex is sweeter in marriage if you marry your own bone and flesh, talking from personal experience. I’ve written several articles on how to practically enjoy sex in marriage as a virgin. I’ve recommended books. Check my previous articles, you will see them there.
Marriage is the only place to practice safe sex. Those who had sex with their boyfriends have serious problems and baggages they bring into marriage one of which is comparing their spouse with their ex and never ever enjoying sex in marriage.
Wait for marriage before having sex and marry God’s will for your life then sex will be pure bliss, an heaven on earth experience for you. God bless you. Cheers!
© Seun Oladele