A sister sent this question.
Please ma where did I go wrong? I was a virgin till marriage. But after the wedding, I was
deflowered by my husband on our wedding night. But to my surprises I didn’t bleed, and no man
has ever touched me before neither have I had sex before my wedding night. I was so
embarrassed as my husband too was so surprised, haven told him that I was a virgin. My
marriage was sore from there. I explained to my husband I was innocent but he always referred
to the fact that I deceived him.
How can I prove myself innocent to him ma? I didn’t see my sign. What led to the blood not
coming when I had the first sex ever? Does the absence of the blood means I was not a virgin?
Because of this I am always sad anytime my husband say this. It has caused misunderstanding
between us severally. What can I do ma? It has reduced my husband love for me.
I’m so sorry about this my sister. If you are sure you didn’t have any kind of sex that may lead to
that before your wedding night, then you were a virgin before then. For example, some people
lost their virginity through masturbation, or fingering. I would advice you pray about this
committing the heart of your husband to God.
He will touch his heart. Then when it comes up again you can discuss what I will educate you
with now also with him. If the situation persist I will advice both of you see a good marriage
counselor so as not to tear both of you apart.
Other than penile-vaginal intercourse, the hymen can tear unknowingly from inserting tampons,
masturbating, fingering, or participating in strenuous physical activities like gymnastics or
horseback riding. Therefore, the presence of (or lack thereof) an intact hymen is an extremely
unreliable indicator of virginity sometimes. Females also feel differing levels of pain when (or if)
their hymens tear. Some females bleed and feel considerable pain; other females may not even
notice when their hymens tear because they do not bleed or feel any pain.
The hymen is a tiny layer of skin that exists to serve a specific biological purpose: to protect the
vaginal opening (introitus) and the area around the opening during a female’s developing.
Although it is truly seen by many as a sign that a lady is still a virgin. But through research it has
been noted that many females who have never engaged in any kind of sexual intercourse do not
have intact hymens. Similarly, sexually active females may still have intact hymens, possibly
because their hymens are elastic enough to avoid tearing during sex or because they do not
practice penile-vaginal intercourse. What can we say about this set of people? They aren’t
Some ladies may even go through hymen reconstruction surgery (Hymenoplasty) which does
exist in this modern technology, after losing their hymen during sex just to cover up or be seen
by their husband has a virgin, but we do not expect that a believer will pursue this as a solution,
but to confess if there is need for that or it came up as a discussion during courtship. You may
choose to undergo hymen reconstruction if you feel that it is something you truly want for
yourself, but please do not feel like you need to have surgery to be worthwhile or valuable as a
female. It won’t make you a virgin if you have gone into any kind of sex that tear the hymen
before your marriage. The condition of your hymen or your status as a virgin/non-virgin does
not define who you are as a person. Virginity is a personal decision of not having sex through
any means before marriage, not a physical assessment of one’s body.
But it is advisable for single ladies to careful in what can tear the hymen before sex since it could
generate this kind of situation regarding spirituality and your culture. Let us learn from this.
The Lord will keep your home and grant you the wisdom to go about this in Jesus name. God
©Evang Abisola Kemi Longe